


Fast Times At Kings Landing Academy

by Scented_Candles



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2020-12-31 01:16:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21031967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scented_Candles/pseuds/Scented_Candles
Summary: The high school crack fic where Brienne doesn't immediately fall for Jaime's good looks and is not intimidated by it, while Jaime tries very hard not to be weird while winning her affections. Her older brother is his best friend and he understood very well how it is to have a sister complex.“Why are you so set on peddling your brother’s supposed interest in our youngest anyway?” Renly speaks up again, after finally having finished his glass of wine.“And I’m not interested,” Brienne inputs. “Like, it would be statutory rape, I’m not interested. I’m fourteen Tyrion.”“I’m not saying he’s going to have sex with you, right now!” Tyrion protest. “I’m just saying he likes you, is fond of you, and that could possibly develop into more in the future, when you’re legal.”“You’re discounting the fact that Brienne and I are supposedly having a torrid lesbian Lolita love affair,” Margaery adds, enjoying the frustrated frown Tyrion couldn’t quite keep at bay. “I’m not one to let go of my lovers that easily.”Brienne grins. “There is that too.”





	1. Wherein the supposed relationship are discussed

Chapter One: Wherein the supposed relationship are discussed

“I think my brother likes you,” Tyrion says suddenly.

Renly chokes on his wine, Loras rolls his eyes, Margaery let out a trill of laughter and Brienne glances at them disinterestedly before looking back down at the book she is reading.

“No really, I mean it,” he presses. He moves a chess piece, three moves away from cornering Margaery’s Queen.

“Nicely done,” Margaery compliments as she safeguards her Queen and nabs herself one of Tyrion’s Knights.

“Thank you,” he replies, smiling as she activates the trap he’d set. He’d win in the long run but toying with her was nice.

“I saw that though, don’t think a counter isn’t in place.”

Tyrion concentrates on the board and there it was, subtle and waiting. “I did not see that.”

“Well, you’re distracted.”

He sighs. “It’s just that I think it’d be good for Jaime to focus on someone else besides Cersei,” he says candidly. He glances over at the foot of the bed where Brienne is reading. “It’s quite fascinating how much of a liking he’s taken to you.”

“It’s Margaery, so it’s not surprising,” Brienne says. She looks up when silence meets her statement and finds all eyes on her, her friends’ regard a queer mix of consternation and amusement. “What?” 

Loras and Renly exchange a look while Margaery keeps smiling fondly at her. Tyrion is looking at her as though she was an interesting math problem he wanted to solve.

“He’s not talking about Margaery, sweetheart,” Renly says finally.

“And in case that still escapes your thick head, Tyrion is talking about you,” Loras interjects.

This is news to Brienne. Jaime is one of Galladon’s best friends and he’s only ever really called her Wipe Out, if he talked to her at all. And besides, “He’s old,” Brienne says after a pause.

“He’s eighteen, that’s not old,” Tyrion points out. “And he’s very handsome, the bastard.”

“So is Loras,” Brienne points out.

“Thanks love,” Loras grins and blows her a kiss. “And don’t be jealous Tyrion, in our hearts’ eyes, you’re handsome too.”

“Oh fuck you, Legolas.”

“Thanks, but no thanks Gimli.”

“That’s mean, you could have said Kili,” Margaery points out with a lazy smile.

“Oh, I would if I could.”

“Anyway,” Brienne says before the conversation devolves an in festival of ribbing, “I don’t care about how people look. I’m not one to picky on the subject anyway,” Brienne said. “I’m not conventionally good looking and this smile is the product of years of gruelling orthodontic work.”

“You do have a nice smile, when you show it,” Loras concedes.

“Thank you,” Brienne says, with a nod of her head.

“Why are you so set on peddling your brother’s supposed interest in our youngest anyway?” Renly speaks up again, after finally having finished his glass of wine. 

“And I’m not interested,” Brienne inputs. “Like, it would be statutory rape, I’m not interested. I’m fourteen Tyrion.”

“I’m not saying he’s going to have sex with you, right now!” Tyrion protest. “I’m just saying he likes you, is fond of you, and that could possibly develop into more in the future, when you’re legal.”

“You’re discounting the fact that Brienne and I are supposedly having a torrid lesbian Lolita love affair,” Margaery adds, enjoying the frustrated frown Tyrion couldn’t quite keep at bay. “I’m not one to let go of my lovers that easily.”

Brienne grins. “There is that too.”

“Not to mention that secret incestuous relationship your brother is having with your sister,” Renly points out, equally amused. 

“That’s not true. No one has proven anything. And she’s dating your older brother anyway,” Tyrion counters.

“Well, if she were cheating on Robert he’d deserve it for being a prick.”

“And Cersei’s a cunt so they deserve each other.”

The two nod in agreement.

Tyrion is torn between amusement and frustration. Because he’d wanted to talk about the possibility of Jaime and Brienne in the future, or Jaime and someone in the future, because being so stuck on Cersei was unhealthy and their dear sister was not above using that devotion for her devious means.

But he liked the verbal spar with friends and the fact that he was verbally sparing with his friends and there was no malice in the insults being exchanged. Here he was Tyrion and not Jaime’s mouthy and deformed younger brother.

“You should think about it though,” Tyrion says to Brienne. “He’s a good person. Maybe let him dote on you? Having another sister figure would be good for him.”

“So is that his turn on then? Incest?” Margaery quips with amusement.

Tyrion groans.

“I know he’s ok. Galladon wouldn’t be friends with him if he wasn’t.” Brienne says with a shrug. “But I barely talk to your brother at all. And there is no doting to be done, and if you think our interactions constitute doting then you better revisit your dictionary.” She goes back to reading, having lost all interest in the discussion.

Brienne doesn’t dislike Jaime. She barely even thought about him at all. He was her older brother’s friend and that was it. There had been a time though when she’d thought he was a giant ass. It was before she’d transferred to King’s Landing Academy.

Galladon had enrolled at the school first and that first summer, he’d invited some of his friends to vacation at Tarth. That’s when Brienne had first met Jaime. She’d been twelve then, and already taller than her older, teenage brother. She had just come in from surfing and she’d found Jaime in the kitchen rummaging through the refrigerator. And when Galladon had introduced her as his younger sister, Jaime hadn’t quite been quick enough to mask the incredulity he’d felt at the sight of her.

It was one of life’s ironies that her older brother had inherited their mother’s looks. She’d been a celebrated debutante, widely praised for her beauty. Brienne had inherited her looks from the Tarth side: tall, solid, strong, but not beautiful.

“You’re the younger sister?” Jaime had said before he could help himself.

“Yes, you have a problem with that?” Brienne had asked, hackles rising.

He’d backpedalled of course, because he was friends with her brother, but Brienne still remembered the incredulity he couldn’t quite hide. She supposed it wasn’t really his fault to be surprised, so that was fine.

And she’d met Cersei, he could be worse.

Later on in the week, while she’s hanging out in Tyrion’s room playing with his Nintendo Switch, Jaime barges in complaining about how Tyrion wouldn’t answer his calls.

“It was on silent. Sorry, what’s up?” Tyrion asks distractedly.

“Let’s go have dinner outside. I’m bored,” Jaime says. “And you, Wipe Out, don’t you have your own room? Why are you always here at Tyrion’s? People will talk you know.”

“The incest jokes are still the worst, I’ll live.”

Tyrion grins at Jaime’s baffled face. “Did you hear about Cersei’s date with Robert? She’s campaigning for Queen of the Spring Dance.”

Jaime rolls his eyes. “You come have dinner with us too Brienne, I’ll treat you out since your brother’s busy with student council stuff.”

“Hey, Jaime.”

“Yes Brienne.”

“Do you like me?”

He tilts his head to the side. “Sure I do. You’re the athletic younger brother I never had.”

Brienne smiles brightly at him. “Thanks, and you’re the uppity older sister I never wished I had.”

“I’m athletic,” Tyrion grouses as he gets up off the bed and walks over to his brother.

“Mathletics isn’t realy athletics Tyrion,” Jaime parries.

Brienne puts on her jacket and runs her hand through her short cropped hair. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”


	2. The One Where Ygritte Supposedly Hates Everything And Everyone

Kings Landing Academy is where all the good families of Westeros, and some really bright kids with super high IQs, went to get an education. It was a boarding school type of setting which catered to the progeny of the elite.

It was a large institution and functioned almost like its own city, or a kingdom even, where everything was provided for, if you had the currency needed to acquire it.

There were four houses in the academy: Lion, Falcon, Stag and Wolf. Children entered the academy as first years at age 11 and would stay until they reached year seven, after which they were expected to enter university.

Ygritte is one of the super bright kids with high IQs. She is currently in year four and is a member of Wolf House. She hates it. It’s all very Hogwarts but without the magic. Well, there was that Lannister kid she referred to as Professor Flitwick in her mind. She could still remember the hushed surprise following the announcement that he was to go to House Stag. Apparently his family had always gone to the Lion House, always, and he was the first aberration since the founding.

As if it mattered.

Ygritte figured it was random selection, but apparently it was a very complicated algorithm that factored in their personalities, IQs, and whatever else variable they could cram into whatever software they used for sorting.

If only there was a real sorting hat and someone could actually bargain with it.

She wonders if Filius would have? Maybe she should start calling him Sirius? He certainly seemed happy enough being a Stag. But, woouldn’t be happy to get away from a sister like Cersei Lannister?

Ygritte liked the education she received in King’s Landing, and the stipend was certainly a plus, but the school probably housed the biggest collection of assholes she’d ever come across.

Everyone in King’s Landing had money (except the bright kids on scholarships like Ygritte) and they were accustomed to power. And in a world populated by people like that, what mattered was clout and prestige and when you talk about those two things, only seven families really counted: Arryn, Baratheon, Lannister, Martell, Stark, Tully, and Tyrell.

The girl Ygritte was meeting at the library was not a member of those families. Brienne Tarth, also in year four, a member of House Stag and currently Ygritte’s special project partner. She may not belong to one of the more elite families, but her older brother was a member of the central student council and an ace swimmer. And from Ygritte’s research, they were one of those families with a crest of their own and an ancestral home that got passed down for generations.

Brienne Tarth who looked like the love child of a Malfoy and Madame Maxine.

She didn’t even wear the standard female uniform but walked around in the pants and blazer that the guys used. She also seemed to always hold a bored expression, like she couldn’t be bothered. It pissed Ygritte off.

She put her bag down and settled herself across the table from the blonde.

“You’re late,” Brienne said as she took off her earphones and placed them haphazardly on the table along with her phone.

Those two things cost more than Ygritte made in her part time job for two months, possibly more, and they were being so casually handled. They were top of the line, but she thought them pointlessly expensive. “So what if I’m late? Did you die?”

A sigh. “No, but that’s certainly time wasted. You’re almost an hour late.”

Ygritte grits her teeth before blurting out, “I came from work.” She certainly hadn’t wanted to reveal that information and make herself vulnerable to attack but they’d have to work together and her grades depended on this girl’s cooperation. Ygritte can’t afford to get a bad grade. “Some place in town. The bistro was understaffed and the manager told me to stay.” She couldn’t afford to lose that job either. 

So many things she couldn’t afford.

_Ygritte Spearwife? What kind of name is that? Where did your family even come from? _

_She’s one of those charity cases, doesn’t even know how to comport herself properly._

_Spearwife, maybe change it to spearmint? You certainly need it with how much your breath stinks. Do they even understand hygiene where you came from? _

She’d taken so many of those words and those jabs over the years, unable kick their ass like she wanted, because one wrong move could get her expelled.

“Ok,” a bob of the blonde head. “Do you want to meet there sometimes instead of here?” Brienne asks as she hands over her phone to Ygritte. “Input your information please.”

“What?”

“We can meet somewhere more convenient. I didn’t know you had work today, you should have said so. We could have set another time to meet. Or I could have gone into town.”

_Don’t fall for it_, Ygritte tells herself. “It’s fine.”

Blue eyes stare at her for a moment, surprisingly sharp before they fall back into their usual detached affability. “If you say so.”

“I looked over your proposal. You mentioned you were interested in pursuing semiotics? I’m interested on looking into structural spaces, I’d like to work on that. I think if we focus on the semiotics of space we can…”

The educational system in King’s Landing Academy allowed students to work on special projects of their own. It respected the fact that each student functioned in their own pace and though there were standardized courses and classes, there were also a lot of more interest-focused work allowed in the curriculum.

The professors were also found of encouraging inter-house and inter-field cooperation, hence this ridiculous notion of a group project with the Tarth girl. But, Ygritte supposed, this wasn’t so bad. Tarth was smart and she didn’t look the type to bomb the assignment just to fuck up with Ygritte. She was still torn between architecture or engineering and she thought s project dealing with spaces would be a good project to focus on.

“I was thinking more about game space, like in video games.” Brienne starts.

“Wait, you want to do a project on video games? No, this is supposed to be a shared project that encompasses both of our interests.”

“I know,” Brienne says. “Hear me out.”

Brienne shows Ygritte the app and explains that it’s a VR game overlaid over the actual landscape. “Like Pokemon Go,” Brienne says. “But this one is a project that was developed by one of the students here at the academy over a decade ago. The game is set in the academy and surrounding town.”

Brienne goes on to explain that some of the architecture in the academy has change during that span of time, and that this has affected the type of Critters that appear in the game in relation to their location. “Spaces like those can be avenues for game breaking.”

“If you want to break the game then why don’t you just rewrite the code?”

“Then there would be no point, the parameters will be ruined.” Brienne replies. “And I figured maybe you’d be in the changes that had happened in the grounds.”

“I suppose, from an urban planning perspective. And if we factor in the changes in the town…”

They discuss the project more and make plans to draw up a proposal for the approval of their project adviser. Ygritte feels energized because the idea had merit and was interesting.

The next day, as Ygritte is sitting by herself in the dining hall eating breakfast and looking over some of the notes she’d made, the male version of Snow White sits in front of her and gives her a triumphant smile. “Well, looks like your meeting yesterday didn’t go as badly as you thought it would. I knew it!”

She frowns at him just on principle, because he looked far too chipper in the morning, white his pale white skin clear and flawless, contrasting with his ebony curls and those damn red lips curved into a smug smile. “You know nothing, Jon Snow,” she tells him with narrowed eyes as she bites into a bagel.

“For the hundredth time, the name is Aegon, Ey-gone,” he corrects.

“Whatever Snow White.”

“Jon Snow it is,” he says with a shrug. “And I always knew you thought of me as the fairest in the land but it’s really nice to get reminded of it from time to time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the crackfic is starting to spawn parts and possibly a semblance of a plot. Thanks for all the kudos and comments guys, they are much appreciated. I'm trying to apply a more episodic approach to the writing of this. 
> 
> Up next chapter, more of Galladon and Jaime makes his case.


	3. Where Brienne Is Thirteen And Doesn’t Look It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How about this for sport; you know the woods behind the school? I’ll give you a thirty-minute head start. You can hide anywhere you like, or keep moving if you prefer. I’ll hunt you down within two hours.”  
Loras feels himself get hot under the collar. “What?”  
“Possibly one hour, since you’re wearing cologne,” Brienne says.  
“Don’t say things like that!” Loras complains with a frown. It was kind of hot. He flops down on one of the chaises in Tyrion’s room and covers his face with his hands. “If you were a guy I’d blow you right now.”  
"I'll kill him!" Jaime declares as his friend Adam Marbrand drags him away from Tyrion’s room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the chapter where we go back in time, to when Brienne was thirteen and still pretty new at school. Jaime is seventeen.

“That’s just disturbing to watch,” Loras complains as he studies Brienne’s slumped form as she hunkered over her laptop, engrossed in RPG. “You’re frittering your life away on a useless pursuit.”

“It is not. It’s good for hand-eye coordination,” Brienne says amid a cacophony of sound coming from her laptop. Tyrion is watching over her shoulder with an interested look on his face.

“If you want something of that sort, then join a sport!” Loras retorts. “It isn’t healthy and it’s bad for your posture. Your brother is a good swimmer and I hear you surf well.”

“Brienne likes water sports,” Tyrion says with a teasing grin.

Loras rolls his eyes but then lets out a sigh when he sees Brienne nodding in agreement. “I do,” she says.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Loras reminds himself she’s thirteen and he shouldn’t be exasperated at how so many things just fly right over her dopey head.

The sound from the laptop suddenly stops and Loras finds himself looking at Brienne who had angled her face up toward him from her perch on the floor. Laid out like that, from his vantage point, she is all sharp angles, shadows and legs.

“How about this for sport; you know the woods behind the school?”

He raises an eyebrow but nods nonetheless.

“I’ll give you a thirty-minute head start. You can hide anywhere you like, or keep moving if you prefer. I’ll hunt you down within two hours.”

He feels himself get hot under the collar. “What?”

“Possibly one hour, since you’re wearing cologne.”

The thing is, Brienne did not look her age, and that is a problem. She’s tall, taller than Loras himself, and at thirteen, her body had yet to show the changes of puberty. She was not a pretty thing, and she wasn’t handsome either, not the way Loras liked them. But she had such pretty eyes, and that fucking mouth, and the absolute deadpan certainty that she could do exactly what she claimed to do.

It was kind of hot.

And the boy’s uniform she was wearing wasn’t helping.

He understood then exactly why Margaery had said Brienne had her moments.

“Don’t say things like that,” he complains with a frown. He flops down on one of the chaises in Tyrion’s room and covers his face with his hands. “If you were a guy I’d blow you right now.”

“No thanks, I wouldn’t want to get on a certain someone’s bad side,” she says teasingly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sure,” she says before unpausing her game and resuming her play.

After a while, Tyrion speaks up. “Can you really, though?”

Loras shifts in his seat.

“Hmmm?” Brienne murmurs.

“Can you hunt him down that quickly?”

“Sure. My father was a soldier and we live in an island. He used to take us hunting all the time, except we hunted each other.” The sound of an explosion as Brienne demolishes one of her enemies’ bases.

Loras sits up in his chair. “What? Really?”

Brienne nods, eyes never leaving her computer screen. “Sure. Tracking is a skill and it also helped us get familiar with the lay of the land. It was fun. Come visit Tarth one time and I’ll show you. There’s more to it than just the beaches.”

~*~

This is what the three people in Tyrion's room missed. 

"I'll kill him!" Jaime declares as his friend Adam Marbrand drags him away from Tyrion’s room and into the hallway. Tyrion’s room, like all Lannisters’, is in fact a suite with a receiving area and a dining nook. It was just as well since it gave Adam time enough to yank Jaime back before he launched himself into Tyrion’s actual bedroom to punch Loras. “She’s thirteen! He’s not supposed to talk to her like that!” he complains.

“Look, she didn’t even seem offended! And Tyrion talked about watersports.”

“Tyrion was joking! And he wasn’t talking about doing lascivious things to her! She’s too young for that kind of language. He would blow her? Is he insane?”

“If she were a guy, which she isn’t!” Adam said with a roll of his eyes. “She doesn't even have the necessary tools down there, so get your maidenly sensibilities in order. You should really stop coming over here all the time dude, we belong in the House of Lions, we shouldn’t be here where the herbivores are.”

A passing girl who heard what he said gives him the stink eye, which he promptly ignores in favour of tugging at Jaime’s arm. “Dude, come on. This is why people think you’re weird.”

“I am not weird!” Jaime protests. “If Galladon knew about this he’d be pissed too.”

“Probably not, he’s in the central student council with Loras and you’re overreacting and being an ass!”

“I am not.”

“Look, I know you’re a bit stressed, what with Cersei dating that douche Baratheon…”

“He is a douche. A giant douche.”

“Yes, but you aren’t going to run into them even if you hover over Tyrion every time. He’s more likely hanging out at our House with Cersei.”

“Ugh don’t remind me!”

“Is that it? Are you trying to get away from them?”

Jaime shrugs his friend’s hand off his person. “I’m ok, I won’t go punch Loras’ teeth in.” He falls into step beside Adam as they head out of the Stags’ dorm. This wasn’t usually allowed but he’d been over here to many times since Tyrion was admitted that people tend to turn a blind eye to it now. “And I’m not here to avoid anyone or hunt them down. I just miss Tyrion. I like my siblings. Is that such a difficult concept to fathom?”

Adam shrugs.

Jaime grins suddenly. “She was so cool wasn’t she? I wonder if she could hunt _us_ down within two hours?”

Adam grins. “It actually sounds kind of fun. We should ask Galladon to organize it.”

Galladon gets a frightening glint in his eyes when they suggest it. His answering smile when he says yes, he would be happy to organize something, was entirely too anticipatory.

When questioned about it, Brienne smiles proudly. “He’s the best tracker on the island,” she says.


End file.
